We’ve all been there. You’re leisurely shopping around a store with nary a thought to purchase, when a slick haired, sharply-dressed type comes over with “the perfect jacket for your figure”. While you stutter and politely protest, he ignores your advances and continues to fit you for your garment, pausing ever so slightly to nod in agreement at your fabulous garb. After he’s spent the last ten minutes fixing you up, he casually asks “So, how will you be paying?” and if you’re like most human beings with a conscious, you grasp for a quick fix — well, you really weren’t planning on buying anything today, really.  But never underestimate the power of persuasion, little ones.

It’s over. He’s got you. He knows it and you know it. So, with your head hanging in defeat, you shuffle over to the register and fork over the money in your wallet because you’ve been outgamed. But no more. You don’t need to feel salesman guilt and we’re going to help you overcome those feelings of ineptitude starting right now.

• Ask for a business card upfront so that you can “get in touch with them when you get paid”.  This is a nice way of saying “Please back the fuck off so that I can browse in leisure”.

• Bring along a rude friend.  This person should act as a deflector and your wingman — immediately stepping in and cock blocking the sales(wo)man from putting on unwanted pressure.

• Don’t waste time breaking out the “brick wall” — you know, the one that Free Willy jumps over?  Yeah, it’s soo 90′s, but it’s still relevant.

• Fake arrogance, as in “I plan on spending an obscene amount of money.  Just not here.”  Project those embedded feelings of inadequacy onto the salesman.

Shopping shouldn’t be a process that brings out the inherent wuss in you, nor should you have to hide out in your apartment swiping purchases with your debit card from the safety of your web browser.  It’s time to man up and grab opportunity by the balls.  Browse those aisles, window shop — hell, try things on without an intent to buy.  And do it all in the snarling face of adversity.

No related posts.