Every so often, amongst the stacks of bills piling up in your mailbox, you’ll spot a large envelope with a delicate cursive adorning the front. Suddenly your wallet feels hundreds of dollars lighter. An invitation to an event, whether it’s a wedding, bridal shower, baby shower or birthday party typically means you’re expected to drop some cash.

Social events typically entail buying a new dress or suit, shoes, gifts and writing out a check for money that you don’t quite have. But when you’re low on funds and you know you can’t afford it, you have to firmly decline. Here’s five ways you can do so — without ruining any future chance of being a bridesmaid.

1.  Respond ASAP

If you’ve gotten a formal invitation in the mail, you’re probably expected to respond by phone or fill out a supplied response card. Call the host right away to let them know you cannot make the event. You don’t have to give a reason why. Stating other obligations or personal commitments will suffice. For a written response, just check off the “will not attend” box and send it back immediately — no guilty feelings necessary.

2.  Don’t Lie

No one wants to admit they’re too broke to go to a party, but there’s no reason to say your Aunt Patty is in the hospital for bunion surgery. It’s childish to make up excuses for why you can’t attend. On the contrary, it would be rude for the other party to press you for a reason for a declined invite, and you are certainly not obligated to give one.

3.  Send a card

You can do this after you respond by telephone or send it with your written response. It shows that you truly regret that you cannot make it and took the time to show it. A simple “I regret that I can’t make it and wish you a happy xxx” is acceptable and gets the job done.

4.  Send a gift

Whether you go to an event or not, you should still buy a gift. However, not going to the event usually means you don’t have to spend as much as you would if you were going. For example, at a wedding, it’s customary to give the bride and groom enough money to pay for your dinner plate and then some. That’s roughly $100 a person. If you’re not attending the event, you can choose a more affordable gift to send. Most brides and mothers-to-be sign up for a registry where they list all the things they need for their new life. You can easily pick out a $40 gift, wrap it up and send it in place of your presence. If it’s a less formal event, you can simply buy a card and send the guest of honor some money. If it’s a close friend, make them a gift. It could be something sentimental like a scrapbook or photo album showcasing the things you’ve done together.

5.  Stall

If you are invited to a dinner or party in person and don’t know what to say; stall.  Tell them you have to check your schedule and will get back to them as soon as possible. Then, after allowing a few days to pass, you can follow the procedures above to let them know you cannot attend.

The bottom line is that the worst thing you can do is to NOT respond. The person who invited you will be waiting to hear back to get a proper headcount, and failure to respond sends out the message that you don’t care enough to let them know whether or not you can attend. You don’t have to spend money you don’t have when you’re invited to an event, but spending a little — even if its just your time — may be necessary. That way, you can still save money while keeping your friends and your pride.

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